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Tuesday, February 14, 2012

My Funny Valentine

One of my father's favorite jokes went something like this:

"The good girl said to the bad girl, 'A good man is so hard to find!'

The bad girl said to the good girl, 'Oh, but it's so good to find a hard man!'"

He probably shouldn't have been telling that joke in the presence of his young daughter, but he always did things his own way. (Or the German way.) He'd always start laughing before he even finished the joke, too, with his shoulders shaking and nostrils wiggling.

The point of that little story was: It's Valentine's Day! And yes, it was hard to find him, but I've found the most wonderful man. (That doesn't mean I'm a good girl.) Our first married Valentine's Day is spent with him at orchestra rehearsal, meaning we have a good excuse for avoiding the crowded restaurants. I paused at the cards while we were in Target, thinking we should probably get something to mark the occasion. But we looked at the picked over selection and my husband suggested we make our own, instead. It's true, we'd all love to hang onto those lovingly signed pieces of good paper stock forever, but how long can we honestly hang onto something like that before we have a room full of storage bins containing nothing but paper covered in faded ink? So instead of a card, or paper that eventually has to be thrown away before we end up on an episode of Hoarders, I decided to invent (because surely no one else on the entire internet has ever thought of this) the Valentine's Day Blog.

Without further ado, I bring to you a list of reasons why I love my Valentine more than anyone in the world:

1.) He has a megawatt smile that lights up the world, and he's not afraid to use it.

2.) "I'm in charge of the Gross Things," he will explain proudly, before taking the poop bag from my hand when we walk the dog together.

3.) Once, when I finished a venomous rant about society with a vehement flourish proclaiming, "I'm happy being a bitch!" he responded excitedly and in all seriousness, "That should be the name of your blog!"

4.) He still sleeps next to me after I eat a huge bowl of beans saturated with garlic for dinner.

5.) There's more information about music crammed into his head than there are molecules on the planet. (And like #1, he's not afraid to use it!)

6.) No matter how many times I wake him up by playing the Burp and Fart Piano App on the iPad, he still can't keep from cracking up.

7.) He's full of witty one-liners. For example:

Me: "You have to go in there and deal with her. I swear I'll just rip her a new one."
Him: "You'd rip Mr. Rogers a new one today if you could."

8.) He's a drummer. ('Nuff said.)

9.) He looks like this:

10.) After we go to bed on chilly nights, he lets me put my icy cold feet on his legs to warm them. (Not without a good deal of complaining, but still.)

11.) His uses his large vocabulary in every day conversation. For example:

"You're lucky I find your vitriol so charming."

12.) There isn't a day that goes by wherein he doesn't tell me he loves me and that I'm beautiful.

13.) He always stops to give me a hug if I want one, no matter what he's doing.

14.) Badda bing, badda BOOM! Ya know what I'm sayin'?

15.) Even though I had our dog for eight years before he came into our lives, he will scoop her up into a hug and say, "I love my dog."

16.) He comes running, valiantly brandishing a kleenex box, as soon as he hears me screaming at a roach.

17.) He's always on my wavelength, even when it's all wobbly.

18.) He goes on Nom Hunts for me, sometimes late at night.

19.) After the pillow talk had died down one night recently, I said, "It really hurts losing a baby. We only knew for a week, but..."

He jumped in with, "But it changes your whole life. How you think, how you view the world... it's all different."

He's not just a man who "gets it." He feels it, too.

20.) Every time I get my hair done, or buy a new shirt/dress/whatever, he always notices and compliments me.

21.) He's secretly proud that I still refer to him as my boy toy.

22.) He's seen me do the Naked Fart while clipping my toenails (naked farts are so much more vile than clothed farts) but yet still loves me.

23.) Even though he only knew my dad for a year, he laughs harder than anyone at the stories I tell about him.

24.) It makes sense to him that when I ask for "my stinky things," it means I want his arm around me. And he immediately complies.

25.) He has the biggest heart of anyone I know. And I'm so honored he gave it to me.